Every so often in life, we have moments which humble us to our very core and remind us just how lucky we are. Today, I had one of those moments.
Life has been thoroughly exhausting recently between looking after a very likely 7 month old baby and battling my own mental health demons. I’ve also handed in my return to work date (absolutely terrifying!) and begun reorganising my life.
My 7 month old daughter Adalyn – who I have discussed in previous posts – has been learning to walk and crawl, but has also been unwell with an infection and is teething (WHY does nobody warn you about how brutal teething is?!), and as a result has demanded my every waking moment. It’s felt like I’ve been awake 24 hours a day for the past week! And you know what? I probably have been.. I’ve been up for so long that it’s hard to tell when I’ve actually slept.
I’ve been surviving off of junk food and Red Bull, to the point that I should probably have shares in their company! Red Bull is supposed to give you wings but I’m still waiting on mine!
Today though I reached the point of sheer exhaustion and desperation. After a good but exhausting morning at baby massage, then a busy (and even more exhausting) afternoon visiting my 85 year old grandmother who has vascular dementia and didn’t have a clue who we were, I spoke to Adalyn’s dad and asked if we could come round to his at around 4pm.. So that’s exactly what we did.
Adalyn was screaming and exhausted, quite frankly I felt the same, so after a quick hello to Grant.. and after Adalyn had finished smooching herself in the mirror (ive never met a baby who loves themselves more than my Adalyn!).. I asked if it would be OK for us all to just climb into Grant’s bed for a lie down.
Adalyn drank her bottle and began dosing off, but still fought it to the bitter end. Her eyes would roll then close, only for her to startle and fight to open her eyes. This went on for a good 15 minutes.
Grant and I lay on either side of the bed, with Adalyn in the middle between us. We each held one of Adalyn’s hands to help soothe her to sleep.
As I lay there, I watched the way Grant admired Adalyn with complete awe and love. It filled my heart to the brim. He sat and smiled like she was the greatest thing he’d ever seen, and to be honest that’s probably true.. But I knew better than to ruin the moment and ask him!
It humbled me completely, but it also made me realise just how good my life actually is.
I lay there and marvelled at Adalyn, and still am now whilst writing this. It’s incredible that two human beings could create such a perfect and innocent human being- and yes, I’m aware of how biased I am but to me Adalyn is absolutely perfect.
Grant does everything he can to be a good dad.. And I’d say he’s doing a great job. Although I would never admit that to him! Regardless of our history and the heartbreak I’ve been through, I can’t fault him at all for how well he’s doing. Although I know for fact Adalyn will have him wrapped round her little finger, she pretty much already does.
I’m very lucky to have such a beautiful daughter and that her dad is so helpful. I know not all mums are lucky enough to have that. I’m lucky to even call myself a mum due to my severe fertility problems.
I’ve had so many people ask me recently if grant and I are back together, to which I’ve always said no. Truthfully I don’t have a clue what’s going on but I’m just “going with the flow” and just seeing where life takes us, but I don’t want to put a label on it.
I love Grant and Adalyn very much and can’t believe how well things are coming together. We have got this co-parenting business NAILED.
Oh, and of course I fell asleep in Grant’s bed.. Snuggled in with my daughter and him, with a smile on my face and feeling like the happiest and luckiest woman alive. For a brief moment, all my troubles and worries disappeared, and everything was perfect.